TRUSTING YOUR INNER VOICE DURING A CRISIS

By Daria M. Brezinski, PhD

The question of the origins of ‘inner knowing’, intuition, and psychic awareness is a mystery. Are we tapping into some crystal ball that tells the future? Is there a puppeteer or architect that knows and plans all or manipulates events? Are WE the masters of our own fate by the very choices we make in life, unconscious or otherwise? What IS the origin of that quiet ‘inner’ voice that speaks? These questions emerge in the quest for self-knowledge, self-understanding and self-purpose throughout the spiritual journey.

The ability to circumvent social norms, convention, logic, beliefs, opinions and tradition while entering the calm, still, quiet internal spaces enables the all-knowing inner voice to speak.  The real test of spiritual strength is in responses (rather than reactions) during times of crisis, stress, tragedy or chaos. One such a moment happened in October after a swivel rocker behaved like a sling shot catapulting me backwards across the room slamming my head in five places. With the knowledge of family and friends who had succumbed to brain bleed, internal swelling and tumors from head injuries, the unfathomable fear, panic and fright arose along with the unimaginable pounding and pain in the cranium. Even with veins pulsing, the ‘normal’ protocol of phoning 911 was dismissed as a wave of calm swept over me weighing the circumstances. The first response was homeopathic Arnica, Rescue Remedy, magnesium spray and Reiki while keeping the body and head still for the next sleepless 48 hours. Never having personally been exposed to in-the-moment head injury events and the symptoms or techniques conducted during the precious initial minutes, there was no reference point for employing any particular strategies. During this most critical time, inner listening and knowing evoked the appropriate responses for the first 48 hours to two weeks. Although physicians were consulted by telephone, there were no brain scans or medical visits until three weeks later confirming the Post-Concussion Syndrome condition. As knowledge is power, years of study in alternative healing modalities and treatments were solidified into clear thinking and responding, once stillness and calm took precedence.

Although it seemed impossible to listen to and hear the quiet voice ‘within’ among the pounding and explosive pain in the head, the ‘aha’ thought eventually recalled another solution. An impulsive event occurred six weeks previous. Late August, two herbal classes were offered in recognizing, collecting herbs and producing tinctures. Even though participation in such classes had been a lifetime pursuit, refresher courses in native varieties are always important. After class, backyard herbs- comfrey, plantain, yarrow, etc.- were collected from home, potted and labeled as well as the creation of topical tinctures for bruising, swelling, trauma and injury for future use. Although at the time, it seemed odd to be making topical medications (as the children were long gone and these things hadn’t been needed for years), the notion of having a cabinet full of these remedies seemed logically preventative. Ironically, tinctures mature in six weeks! And so it was, during the time of crisis, the thoughts of placing tinctures on a cotton cheese cloth (which was most soothing to the pounding head) and poultices from herbs collected was another indication of how inner ‘knowing’ and ‘listening’ transforms future events.

Nearly 48 hours later, the acupuncture treatments began in earnest every two to three days to relieve the head pounding energy through the feet. Is it a coincidence that the acupuncturist just happened to know cranial sacral therapies as well as having served residency with several brain injured patients and so knew EXACTLY what to do with such an injury? It was again another moment of inner ‘listening’ that drew me to the striking inner glow of an acupuncturist from across a room during a business meeting. Not knowing her occupation, the thought arose ‘whatever she is into, I want to become a part of’. After trust had been established over time with a number of acupuncture appointments, this current trauma was somewhat alleviated after one session. Over the course of several weeks, many of the other symptoms lessened in intensity through her magical healing hands and a variety of techniques.

When immobility prevails, an obvious course of action is self-reflection (unless one desires to be catatonic in front of the TV). Every ‘accident’ is an opportunity to learn the multileveled fundamentals of reality. These tests and lessons are both personal and universal. The umbrella that overshadowed this escapade is self-sabotage. Oh! How we manage to endlessly trip ourselves up repeating self-destructive patterns from childhood. The paths leading up to events were, upon reflection, numerous- working 12 hour days on projects to the exclusion of everything else, fast forward lifestyle, work as play, assisting others to the neglect of personal health, lack of heart stimulation, clutter, worrying, caught up in the politics of the day, juggling five things at once…and the lessons keep coming! The marathon of familiar old patterns emerges, albeit dramatically to invoke our undivided attention, in order to be transmuted, eliminated or transformed into new paths of behavior. Neale Donald Walsh’s words in Conversations With God come to mind; “Have you had enough yet?” “What would love do now?”

From the negative consequences and ramifications, the positive becomes evident (see Louise Hay’s books for the contrasts as too numerous to mention here). For example, the physician who finally examined me espoused that ‘accidents’ are caused by ‘worry’, indeed, my mental mindset prior to the incident. Ironically, ‘Post-Concussion Syndrome’ symptoms, lasting up to TWO years, are intense, constant and multilayered with a multiplicity of counter positive lessons; BODY– noise sensitivity, ringing in ears, severe headaches, inability to navigate the environment (bumping into things, knocking things over, dropping things, tripping over things); dizziness; nausea; vertigo; blurry vision; speech impairment; MIND– memory loss; impaired thought to verbal communication; inability to concentrate; confusion; EMOTION– irritability; fear; anxiety; depression; change of temperament; frustration; edginess; chaos; SPIRIT– lack of drive, purpose and motivation, lethargy.  What a gift to have an injury that simultaneously provides layers of lessons, reveals the choices and actions that led to the event, which culminated in imbalance or in this case, loss of balance- the dreaded curse for Libras!

The level of fear during a moment of trauma cannot be accurately expressed in words. When terrified, it is understandable that the majority of the population relinquishes itself to the ‘health care professionals’ who are ‘specialists’ in trauma. The reaction COULD have been to call an ambulance and spend an expensive day and overnight observation (about $5000) in the ER or seek a professional visit with physician or specialist. The inevitable consequence would have been drugging for pain and trauma (which would have rendered me unaware of my body, pain or environment), subjection to an MRI, possible exposure to H1N1 Flu and MRSA infections and IF there was something serious and treatment or surgery suggested and refused, the next stop would have been the psychiatric ward. Moreover, taking prescription or over the counter drugs for the myriad of symptoms headache, pain, nausea, vertigo, sleeplessness and anxiety would have been the typical allopathic solution. And further, few ‘natural’ remedies treat multi-symptomatic syndromes. Yet, there is NO EQUAL to the knowledge and expertise of the inner knowing, which like a computer, gathers, combines, stores data input for future reference. If only humanity had the courage to seek personal truth and go within instead of without to heal itself (dismissing judgments, accepted conventions and protocols, fears and political correctness). Had I had external bleeding or bones sticking out through the skin, my course of action may have been different but my response would have been the same- go within to find the answer. The more one relies on the inner dialogue, the stronger and louder it becomes. Isn’t THIS what the spiritual path is all about?

Was it precognition that led to the refresher herbal class? Are we puppets on string with our course already predetermined? Was the ‘fall’ a destined event or a result of unconscious choices along the way? Is this all a test of spiritual strength? For example, the swivel chair in question belonged to a now deceased friend who fell and had three brain operations. Was it coincidence that it felt as if ‘someone’ were pushing on the back of that chair keeping it from balancing? These questions may never be answered to our satisfaction. But how we respond to an emergency situation is a test of the faith and trust in our inner knowing to the exclusion of convention. Can we fully trust ourselves to know the answer to our own questions, our own personal truths while the rest of the world relies on others to tell them who they are and what they should or could pursue?

The greatest gifts we can give ourselves this holiday season are to learn about the various alternatives that exist (body, mind, spirit, emotion), find the myriad of professionals that are highly knowledgeable/qualified to teach it and to trust the inner voice no matter how illogical, irrational the answers seem or how others may judge us.